Maybe I'll Get Drunk Again {Percy}

[PERCY YEATS]

Percy was well beyond the point of realizing that Benji seemed irritated by his cheeky comment. "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell," he slurred with a grin, squirming against the seats until he was comfortable, his hands hiking the other's shirt up higher. He frowned a little, sadly, at the memory the other boy grumbled out under his breath and into Percy's neck. "Hmm," he murmured sympathetically, his nails raking lightly down the other's sides. "I remember that." He tilted his head back, letting Benji have his rough kiss with all its unspoken warning.

They didn't really need to talk much anyway.

He didn't really register the scenery change from the cab to the apartment until Benji had swept him up off his feet. He laughed, kicking his shoes off with gusto, grinning foolishly. "Show off~"

He didn't really assist much with the undressing part; he shrugged off his suspenders and popped the first button of his shirt before he got distracted by the mouth hovering so close to his own. He grinned. "Understandable, I'm the best~" He closed the little bit of space between them, kissing Benji hard and pushing the other's jacket off his shoulder's.

[BENJI FLYNN]

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Oh is that so? Benji questioned as Percy tried to convince the other boy that he was the best. Secretly, Benji had no doubts that this would be as good as he had imagined - and he had imagined it a lot, back in high school when they always talked about when it would be the right time. But they broke up long before then. Percy's virginity was wasted on some guy who probably didn't love him half as much as Benji did.

He grinned into the kiss and shrugged the jacket off his shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. He'd pick it up in the morning. Slowly he began leading Percy to the bedroom, pulling off various parts of his and Percy's clothing on the way so that when they reached the door they were both in just their underwear.

The next morning was going to punish Benji severely. But for now he was going to get the one thing he'd wanted for so long. Percy, willingly in his bed. Gently he pushed the other boy down onto his double bed, crawling on top of him and kissing his way down the other's neck. mmm~ beautiful, he mumbled to himself his hand snaking into the other's underwear. This was certainly going to be a fun filled night.

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[PERCY YEATS]

"Definitely," Percy replied stubbornly and without even the slightest bit of doubt. He was as self-assured and stubborn drunk as he was sober... if not more so, actually. He grinned suddenly, laughing quietly to himself, before he explained, "Hey, do you wanna' know one of the reasons I wouldn't sleep with you in high school?" He leaned his head back against the wall, watching a shirt - he couldn't be sure whose it was - fall to the floor. "I was afraid I wouldn't be any good and you wouldn't like me anymore."

He dropped onto the bed without and pretense, shifting to whip off his underwear without ceremony. "Stupid, wasn't it? Hmm, oh well~ What's done is done. C'mere - oh~" He tilted his head back a little, arching at the hand that had slithered with such skill between his legs. He grinned, hooking one leg behind Benji's back and pulling him closer.

[BENJI FLYNN]

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Benji paused, half confused half shocked at Percy's confession. He hadn't expected any explanation for what had happened back in high school, he wasn't even sure he deserved one. Percy, you were a virgin...I wasn't going to leave you because of your lack of experience...everyone has to start somewhere, he said, shaking his head and biting back a smile. As if that had been the reason, maybe all he had to do was reassure the other boy and they would never have had any problems. Still, it was too late.

Very stupid, he said lightly, grinning at they way Percy's body was reacting. He leant forward and kissed the other boy slowly, tugging on his bottom lip. Something inside Benji switched on and soon he was spreading Percy's legs apart and gripping the boy's hips, making sure that he wasn't hurting the other boy. That was the last thing wanted. After a couple of slow and steady movements, Benji added a little pressure, a little need. Fuck~ he breathed, this was far better than he had expected.

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[PERCY YEATS]

Percy was beyond being embarrassed by his confession; he was drunk, and most of what they were talking about was old news anyway. It had been what, three years? He'd grown up since then, and he'd grown out of his teenage heartbreak. "Hmm, well, I don't really accept things like that," he slurred reasonably. "I just expect that I'm going to be excellent at everything I do, and I like to keep the people I care about impressed with my performance. In general." He wrapped his arms around Benji's neck again, kissing back with energy, gasping into his mouth at the dull pain and the exhilarating pleasure.

"I'm not gonna' break," he breathed out a little impatiently, tossing his head against the pillow and tugging Benji closer. "C'mon!"

The sex was great once Benji got over the whole 'trying-to-treat-him-gently' thing, and by the time it was done, Percy was flushed, breathless, and on the verge of passing out. He rolled tiredly onto his side, nuzzling into the pillow and reaching blindly out for Benji to lay down next to him. "'s was good," he mumbled, grinning sleepily. "Worth the wait, yes?"

[BENJI FLYNN]

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Benji smiled softly and tucked them both under the covers, pressing his chest against Percy's bare back and wrapping his arms around the smaller boy. Worth the wait? I guess so...I still think your virginity should have been mine, he said softly, kissing the back of Percy's neck as his eyes fluttered shut.

He was sure he kept Percy close to him all night, as they made small talk into the early hours of the morning and as they fell asleep tangled in each others' limbs. When Benji awoke he immediately felt the effects of all the alcohol from the night before. His throat was dry, his head was pounding and he was almost completely attached to someone else.

Percy.

Fuck.

Benji groaned and rolled onto his back - maybe he could just pretend to be asleep and see what Percy's reaction would be. He sighed and looked over to the other boy, running a hand through his hair. Eventually he made the decision to grab the boy some headache pills, a glass of water and a small note:

I'm in the kitchen, breakfast is ready x

Wandering into the kitchen in just his boxers, Benji rummaged in the fridge and pulled something warm, edible and it smelt good too. Hopefully it would work as a peace offering, and Percy wouldn't hate him forever.

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[PERCY YEATS]

Percy woke up and promptly wanted to die.

He groaned, burying his face away from the sunshine leaking through the bedroom window, curling up into a ball and squinting his eyes shut tight. He hated being hungover, and this was definitely the mother of them all. He hissed under his breath, sitting up after a moment and glaring furiously around him. It took him a few moments to remember the jist of what had happened the night before.

He groaned.
Benji. He'd slept with Benji just as he'd been trying to uncomplicate things with him. He blew out a sigh, glancing over at the note on the bedside table. The awkward breakfast on the morning after, perfect. He blew out a heavy sigh and popped the pills, draining the glass of water right after. He pulled on his underwear and his dress shirt, buttoning a few of the buttons lazily.

He checked his reflection in the bathroom mirror and winced in acute dissatisfaction. He thumbed at his hair in vain before giving up and making his way into the kitchen.

"'morning," he mumbled, voice scratchy from sleep. "What time is it?"

[BENJI FLYNN]

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Benji had been buttering some toast when Percy entered, dressed the same way Benji felt. He smiled softly and indicated for the other boy to sit down so Benji could serve him something to eat. It's half ten, he said after a moment, dishing up scrambled eggs on toast and putting the plate in front of Percy. He must be hungry - there hadn't been any food at the party and Benji knew he was hungry, so Percy must be starving. He poured out a glass of juice for each of them and sat down opposite the other boy.

That was when the awkward silence fell between them, and Benji struggled to eat more than a mouthful before the tension ruined his appetite. He couldn't remember much from the night before. Only that he'd gone with the intention of letting go and after that it all seemed to blur together. Obviously he had ended up with Percy, the other boy must have been pretty drunk to allow Benji to take him home. Benji was sure Percy wouldn't have gone near him sober.

Did you sleep alright? he asked, taking a sip of his orange juice and looking over to Percy. What could he say to make this situation better?

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[PERCY YEATS]

Percy managed to smile back, although it was somewhat strained on account of the pounding in his temples. He ran a hand through his hair and murmured a thank you as Benji dished him some breakfast. "Didn't know you cook," he mumbled, taking a bite of his eggs. He felt a little nauseous, but the only thing to be done was soak up all the alcohol with eggs and toast. He glanced up when Benji spoke and then nodded. "Slept like the dead," he said. "But I always sort of pass out like that at the end of the night. You?"

He took a sip of his orange juice and then said slowly, "By the way, Benji. Last night..." He paused, cleared his throat delicately. "I was pretty drunk, and I know you said earlier that we were just going to be friends, so I just wanted to apologize, I guess, if I... uh, came onto you or anything last night. The details are a little blurry but... yeah. I - I still want to be friends with you." He played with the corner of his napkin, glancing up and across the table at Benji, waiting for his reaction.

[BENJI FLYNN]

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Benji shrugged as he took another bite of his toast, When you live on your own you sort of have to start cooking, otherwise you starve...though it's good if you need to lose weight, he chuckled, remembering the days back in high school when he had been so insecure with the size of his stomach and the way his bones stuck out at weird angles. He hadn't eaten much back then, but over his sobriety period he'd taken to feeding himself healthier food, exercising more and over time he had gained some respect for the way he looked. He wasn't vain just yet, but he was sure to end up that way.

Yeah, same with me. I don't think I've slept that well in...years, he said, meaning because he had drunk so much, but a little part of him was convinced it was because Percy had been there. The way he used to sneak into the other boy's room when they were together, just to hold him. Just to spend some times with him, on their own with no interruptions. It had been their little slice of romance.

Benji visibly sunk down into his chair at Percy's words, his fork turning over the egg he had no intention of eating. He smiled softly and shrugged, not looking at the other boy for a moment. It was probably my fault, he admitted, clinking his fork against the side of his plate. You know what I'm like when I'm drunk, he added, even though he was sure Percy didn't need reminding. It was because of alcohol and Benji's inability to be faithful that caused them to break up in the first place.

Friends. Yeah, friends is fine, he said, clearing his throat and sitting up suddenly. Getting to his feet he cleared away his plate, and his glass in silence. This was how they were supposed to be, living together - Benji cooking the food and listening solely to Percy's day, curling up on the couch under a blanket to watch movies. Laughing at each other in the mornings, the embarrassment of bed hair or being late for college just because they had showered together.

Benji filled the washing bowl with boiling water, letting his dirty dishes sink under the bubbles. But Percy didn't love him anymore, and that was fine. Benji had been alone for most of his life, he was sure he could go on the same way.

Are you finished? he asked, nodding to Percy's plate and glass. You're welcome to take a shower, if you'd like. It's just through there, there's towels in the cupboard. You can borrow some of my clothes if you need to, they're - well, you know where the bedroom is.

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[PERCY YEATS]

Percy felt his insides clench uncomfortably as a heavy blanket of guilt settled over his shoulders. He looked down at his plate, enjoying a rare moment of self-loathing. He did such stupid things when he was drunk; stupid, selfish things, and now he'd gone and hurt Benji again. He rested his elbows on the edge of the table and rubbed his hands over his face tiredly. "I'm sorry, Benji," he said heavily, looking between his fingers at the boy across the table.

"And I know you're going to keep saying it wasn't my fault, but I'm still sorry. I - " He sighed, frustrated with himself and the situation. "I feel like I keep yanking you along and I don't mean to, I really don't, I just - "

He stopped abruptly, unsure how to continue, unable to communicate his feelings via an apology. He watched the dark depression bloom behind the fake smile on his ex-boyfriend's face and realized sadly that there wasn't a thing he could do about it. He loved Benji - he always would, on some level - but not the way he used to, and not the way that Benji loved him.

He stood up slowly.

"I'm sorry," he said again quietly, and then he turned and fled back into Benji's room and then into the bathroom, where he locked the door and groaned into one of the towels, sinking down onto the linoleum floor. He sat there for a few moments, head in his hands, toes curled and teeth gritted against the pain in his head and the guilty pain in his chest.

"Fuck," he muttered, hitting the wall angrily. "Fuck!"

He took a shower, which helped a little bit with the head ache, and then he got dressed in Benji's room, pocketing his bow tie and slinging his jacket over his shoulder. He made his way slowly back towards the kitchen, reluctantly peering around the corner. "Benji?" he called gently. "I uhm, I'm leaving now, thanks for the food and the shower..."

[BENJI FLYNN]

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Benji watched wordlessly as Percy got to his feet and vanished into the bathroom. He waited a few moment, silently washing the dishes until he was sure Percy was settled in the bathroom. Fuck he breathed, clenching his fists in the boiling water. Why was he such an idiot? On the one night he started drinking this happens. He closed his eyes shut tightly, trying to block out the throbbing of his hangover.

Fuck, he hissed a little louder, shaking the bubbles of his fingers as he picked up Percy's empty orange juice glass. He stared into the glass, the self-loathing he had tried to cast away returning twice as strong. Why couldn't he just accept that they would be nothing more than friends? Why did he have to get drunk? Why did he have to sleep with Percy?! Fuck! he shouted throwing the glass at the wall, watching it smash into hundreds of pieces.

He hoped Percy hadn't heard that, he was supposed to be keeping a front, showing that he was alright with Percy not being his. Belonging to someone else. Probably Simon. Benji slid down onto the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest. I don't want to be in love with you anymore, he whispered to himself, eyes watering and stinging.

After what felt like an hour, Beni got to his feet and walked into his room, pulling on a clean shirt, some pants and a cardigan. Returning to the kitchen he began picking up the shards of glass by hand, hoping he had got all of them, considering he had bare feet. Throwing the glass away he heard Percy's soft voice from the corner of the room. He turned, the fixed smile back on his face, Oh...er, let me show you out, he said wiping his hands on his pants and walking to the front door, taking a deep breath before he opened it for Percy.

This was it. He was going to lose Percy again. He just wasn't good enough. He realised that, now. He smiled and stepped back, giving Percy a clear path out. Well...guess this is goodbye then, he chuckled awkwardly, bringing a hand up and running it through his hair. Whoever you fall in love with better realise how lucky they are, he added, shrugging as if his heart wasn't breaking all over again.

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[PERCY YEATS]

Percy was having a difficult time keeping himself composed. He had half hoped that Benji wouldn't be there, that he'd be able to sneak out of the house like the fucking snake he was, just so he wouldn't have to deal with the tight painful feeling that was slowly choking him. He folded his pristine white tux jacket over his arms, looking down at his equally pale shoes, feeling ugly and evil and like - ugh, like he was going to cry.

"I'm sorry," he said again, for the third time, and despite his best efforts his voice choked a little, cracking. He looked at Benji, taking a deep breath, and then walked over and hugged him tightly, burying his face in his shoulder for a moment. "I'm so sorry." His eyes were hot and wet. "For everything. I - I hope you find someone spectacular, someone who deserves you." And then he stepped back, dashing the back of his hand over his eyes huffily, before he turned and made his way quickly out the front door and onto the street.

He needed to get home before anyone saw that his eyes were red and his nose was runny and that his insides were black and empty.

[BENJI FLYNN]

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It felt like Percy had just stabbed him in the stomach, the hug making Benji feel cold and more alone. He was never going to feel Percy's arms around him like that again, he sure of it. He wanted to say that he forgave Percy, but no words came out, his throat was too tight. He tried to swallow but there was nothing, his mouth was dry. So all he could do was nod, leaning on the door frame as Percy vanished out of his life.

I didn't want anyone else, he managed to whisper as he closed the door behind him, I wanted you.

Sliding down the door he pulled himself into the smallest shape he could, tears rolling down his cheeks and over his nose. He wanted to forget, forget everything. How Percy would be in someone else's arm, how they would kiss, how they would fall in love. How Benji would have nothing. He smiled sadly, wiping his tears with the back of his sleeve, at least Percy would be happy. That was all that really mattered, in the end.

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