Post by CAROLINE BENNETT on Apr 22, 2012 4:48:55 GMT
Dear Diary,
I called a bulimia help hotline today. It was anonymous, and I told the woman on the other line everything. It felt wonderful, really. Getting everything off my chest, since the first time I purged. But, she told me to write down things about my day in a journal. Supposedly it gets your mind off of things. And at the end I have to write down a positive thing about me. But, for now...I'm just going to talk about something that happened.
Simon and Percy are so cute. Seeing them makes me want to be with someone. Seeing how happy Simon is with him, how different he is. It gives me hope. Maybe if I found somebody, I'd be different. Maybe I wouldn't be so scared of how small my waist is. Maybe I wouldn't feel the need to measure the circumference of each of my thighs..Maybe I wouldn't have to run until a threw up after breakfast. If I knew someone actually liked me for me, maybe I wouldn't be so self conscious.
But I keep telling myself it wouldn't work. I keep saying that I would mess up if I found someone. But maybe I wouldn't. Maybe it's just what I need. I've been messing up my whole life. I need someone to anchor me to the ground. I'm truly sick of flying. And trying to lose weight...and as crazy as it sounds, I think they're both intertwined.
And as for something positive...um. I'm positively...puzzled. I'm positively puzzled.
I called a bulimia help hotline today. It was anonymous, and I told the woman on the other line everything. It felt wonderful, really. Getting everything off my chest, since the first time I purged. But, she told me to write down things about my day in a journal. Supposedly it gets your mind off of things. And at the end I have to write down a positive thing about me. But, for now...I'm just going to talk about something that happened.
Simon and Percy are so cute. Seeing them makes me want to be with someone. Seeing how happy Simon is with him, how different he is. It gives me hope. Maybe if I found somebody, I'd be different. Maybe I wouldn't be so scared of how small my waist is. Maybe I wouldn't feel the need to measure the circumference of each of my thighs..Maybe I wouldn't have to run until a threw up after breakfast. If I knew someone actually liked me for me, maybe I wouldn't be so self conscious.
But I keep telling myself it wouldn't work. I keep saying that I would mess up if I found someone. But maybe I wouldn't. Maybe it's just what I need. I've been messing up my whole life. I need someone to anchor me to the ground. I'm truly sick of flying. And trying to lose weight...and as crazy as it sounds, I think they're both intertwined.
And as for something positive...um. I'm positively...puzzled. I'm positively puzzled.
