I hate to show that I've lost control [open]

[ANASTASIA MACIAS]

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It had been a while since she had spent time alone in the auditorium where her theater class took place. There always seemed to be people around and, to be honest, Ana didn't really feel like being around people.

Her entire life had turned upside down once again, and why? A boy, again. All of her past feelings were rushing back and the once bubbly, sweet and always kind Anastasia had closed up like a flower. Every time she had tried to get on the chat she'd found herself snapping at people. Every time except when micah was in there with her. Exhaling a deep sigh, her gaze went down to her shoes a she felt an ache in her heart. It wasn't that she'd felt something more than friendship for micah, she just missed the companionship. I miss Dev, she thought to herself as she caught a tear breaking from the corner of her eye.

It'd been weeks since she left his house asking for space. The last memory she has in her mind of him was his pleading baby blue eyes looking into her own. She had done her best to push the thought out of her mind, it just tore her apart to even think of the memory, but occasionally it slipped through. Right now was about to be one of those occasions, but she fought it with all of her mental strength.

Her feet carried her over to the piano without her even having to process what she was doing. It was a way of distracting herself, to get lost in song. She'd found it worked quite well most of the time. Sitting on the cool wooden bench, her slender fingers brushed along the keys and began to play a song from her memory. A shakey breath slipped from her lips as the tune materialized in her mind. This wasn't going to be a good distraction, but it could be good for her. Hearing Christina's voice in her head speak the prologue of the song, she felt the wind fill her lungs as she began to sing the lyrics to Walk Away.

Warm, black tears were falling down her cheeks freely as she sang along. Her eyes were closed and it was though she felt Dev's presense there. She could see them slow dancing to the song in her head as she sang, putting her heart into each word as it left her lips. She never welcomed the darkness or sadness, but it felt good to just let go and feel.

"Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep goin' right back
To the one thing that I need...
Oh, I can't mend
This torn state I'm in
Getting nothing in return
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I
need to walk away from..."

By the end of the song you could hear the utter despair that was rushing through her each and every passing day, and as the piano faded out and she opened her eyes the vision was gone. Again she sat alone in the theater. Alone.. She thought to herself as she turned out to look at the seats.

Feeling her heart stop, she saw a shadow in one of the seats. Her eyes went wide as she stared for a few seconds, her heart now racing as she gazed out looking like a deer in the headlights. The tears clouding her vision made it even more difficult to make out the face of whoever was there.

"Who's there?" her voice cracked as she called out as she rose to her feet, walking closer to the front of the stage hoping the person was someone she'd known. A stranger seeing her in such a vulnerable state would not be good. Then again, she thought to herself, maybe it'd be better if they didn't know me..

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tagged - - no one for now.
words - - 664
outfit - - here.
lyrics - - careful - paramore
notes - - 'tis a wee bit longer than i expected, but i'm pretty proud of it C:
credit - - me, the almighty bri.[/size]

[DEVON R. COUTURE]

It had been way too long since Devon had talked to Ana. He was scared. Had he really scared her that badly? Was she ever going to come back? He wasn't sure, but he was determined to find her. It had been weeks since she left. Stupid gun, stupid blood, stupid fucking Jimmy. Not much he could do though. The money was what kept him around, otherwise he'd be gone. Devon couldn't fool himself though, he stuck around for Ana, too.

She wasn't at home. She wasn't answering her phone. No one had really seen her. Oh, God, where had she gone? The last place to look was the theatre...but she wouldn't be there alone, would she? Putting out his cigarette, he let it drop outside of the building, and walked in, stopping as he heard the piano playing and singing. A familiar, and comforting voice.

Walking quietly to one of the seats while she played, he sat down and watched. He felt odd sitting and watching, without her knowing, but he was scared she would run away. Again. When the music stopped, he kept quiet, watching her as she walked closer to him. "Ana," He said, standing from his seat and slowly making his way towards her. By now, he was wondering if she found him to be some psychopath. Sometimes, he wondered that about himself, too.

"...I'm sorry...I've been trying to find you, and...I just want to apologise," Words could only do so much, and he wasn't sure what all he would have to do to get 'his' girl back, but ... he was determined. He hadn't ever really felt the way he felt about her. She was special, and he cherished her. "I'm really sorry I kept what I did from you for so long...I just...I guess I didn't know how to tell you, I didn't want to scare you." He said, stopping 50ft from her.

"Can we talk?"

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[ANASTASIA MACIAS]

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The feeling rushing through Ana when she saw Dev standing there was surreal. There were so many emotions involved. The first, of course, being shock, then despair, hurt, scared, and last but not least, she felt whole again. As she stood there with the black tear marks down her cheeks, she felt her legs shake and she realized all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry. She had to stay strong though, she knew that much. Even if the strength was only temporary, she needed it as long as she could have it.

When Dev said her name her heart stopped, and the tears welled in her eyes. In the blink of an eye her strength was gone, and as he got closer and closer to her it was harder for her to stay in one piece. When he had stopped a few rows away from the stage, she had been wiping the tears away with haste. As she stood there and stared at him, she processed over and over against what he had just told her. Her eyes showed disbelief and sadness, she knew he'd take it the wrong way but she couldn't talk. She wanted to, but nothing would come out.

Blinking a few tears away, she felt the dry lump in her throat and tried to swallow it. Building up the strength to say something she nodded and said, "yes, we can," before walking to the side of the stage where the stairs were to get down into the rows of seats.

As she got closer, she saw him for who he was, not the murderer he proved to be the night he came home covered in blood. The second the thought crossed her mind it flashed back, and looking at him she saw him with the gun again. Feeling the lump come back and the tears start falling again, she knew she was about to fall over and burst into tears, so instead of continuing closer, she sat down in one of the rows, leaving the seat nearest to the aisle open for him.

As he sat down she took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes. "What else is there to say?" she asked, her voice cracking as she continued to wipe away tears. She was truly broken without him, and unsure if he'd be able to fix her.

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[DEVON R. COUTURE]

Devon felt terrible. This was not how he wanted it to go. At all. Not that he was expecting her to run down and jump into his arms. But, at the same time, he wasn't expecting her to be this distraught over it. He had to put himself in her shoes; her boyfriend just walked in covered in blood with a gun in his hand. That was a little odd...okay, beyond odd. It was severely fucked up. Though, he never really did expect her to see him like that. He was a hit man. So what?

Devon stayed quiet as she walked closer to him, waiting until she sat in an open aisle, and walked over, sitting next to her and turning to face her. "Obviously there is something, Ana, 'else I wouldn't be here." He said quietly, reaching up and softly wiping her tears away. Saying everything he wanted to say may be a bad idea...at least for now. Sounding like a sap wasn't on his 'to-do' list.

"I guess...I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Ana. I should've told you sooner. I was just scared it'd end up like this...I was scared you'd end up hating me. I didn't...and still don't, want to lose you. You do mean a lot to me, Miss Anastasia Macias, and ... I hope there's something I can do to make this up to you." Devon said, sighing softly. "It's up to you, okay? I don't want you to be scared of me...I want you to feel safe. And I want you to be happy. If I could quit, trust me, I would." He was pretty sure Jimmy would kill him, though.

Devon sat quietly for a moment, just watching her. He had missed her so much, it had been weird not seeing her around the house...not going on dates.... after a few moments, he wrapped his arms around her the best he could and hugged her tightly. Devon just wanted to hold her, and feel her in his arms. It was comforting to be with someone that actually loved you. Or..at least did love you.

"Forgive me, please..." He pleaded. There wasn't much more he could ask for, the rest was up to her.

[ANASTASIA MACIAS]

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Ana couldn't help but look away as Devon began talking, she didn't want to hear what he was saying but at the same time it was everything she'd ever wanted. Her brain was a confusing place right now. Ana wasn't one to judge, her opinion didn't change of someone based on what they did. Why was this any differen't? Because she'd felt left down. He was her prince charming who became the villain within a blink of an eye.

Still, she couldn't help but look up at him and reach over, resting her hand on his cheek with a small smile. It took her a while to figure out something to say to him, she'd been mentally debating what she'd do in this situation when the time came since the moment she got back to her dorm on that dreadful night. Each and every time she told herself she couldn't forgive him, she couldn't let go of what he had done but here she sat now, and everything was different.

"I don't hate you," was all she could say at first. Her mind was yelling at her, screaming for her to not do this but her heart always took over in the end. "And I'm not scared of you, I just.." she trailed off with a sigh, shaking her head, "it's overwhelming, you know? One minute we're this picture perfect couple, destined to live happily ever after and then.." with a pause, she had dropped her arm from his cheek and was staring up into the sky, as if watching a movie of their lives together before turning to look at him again, "this happened. And because this happened I've just been so unsure, so overwhelmed with this feeling of.. I can't even explain it."

Shaking her head, she suddenly was taken up into his arms. The tears she was fighting were silently getting away as she sat there for a moment before wrapping her arms around him too. The world suddenly felt right again. In her eyes he wasn't a murderer or a villain, he was Devon, her prince charming.

"I do.." she said, her face still half hidden in his chest. Her eyes were closed as she relaxed into him more. As long as she'd been fighting to stay away from him, she couldn't do it anymore. "This is just going to take some getting used to."

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notes OH MY GOD bby I'm so sorry I forgot about this thread. ily ♥
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[DEVON R. COUTURE]

Ana's silence worried him...was she going to just...get up and run away? Making a face, he sighed in relief when she told him she didn't hate her. Thank God. Maybe there was a chance. "I know Ana, .... and I'm sorry. I really am. It definitely was not how I wanted you to find out..I want to quit, but I'm afraid if I do...I'll have a hit man on me...or worse, you."

Falling quiet, he glanced around, almost as if he was paranoid. Truly, he was. Looking back to Ana, he watched her for a moment. "It's okay Ana. If you want to take a break...that's fine, but...I don't want you to get hurt, and I don't want you to be scared of me. I would never hurt you, Ana. I love you. I really do." Devon told her, holding her close. he didn't want to let go, she meant too much to him. Way too much. Devon didn't want her to leave, or be with anyone else. He honestly had never felt true love before, and it was intoxicating to him. It was also terrifying.

"I'll do whatever I can to make it easier on you, Ana...will you at least move in with me? So I know you're safe? Please?"Devon begged, kissing her forehead. "...please?"


ooc: x_< really short, sorry

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[ANASTASIA MACIAS]

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When Dev mentioned the possibility of a hit man coming after him or her, her face when ghostly pale. It was like she had completely forgotten about Jimmy's promise to her if she'd ever found out what Dev really was doing. She wasn't sure if she should tell him what Jimmy had told her. Part of her wanted him to give up the suits, but majority of her was focused solely on keeping not only him alive, but herself too.

"Jimmy.. Jimmy threatened me," she said, looking up into Dev's eyes. It wasn't difficult to see that the thought scared her. Before looking back down at her hands she sighed and shook her head, going into context of the situation. "He saw me on the college chat, he knew I'd been down and out about you and assumed I knew why," taking a deep breath, she looked up at him again, "I told him that I didn't know. I lied to him. And he said.. If he found out I was lying and I knew.." Feeling tears well up in her eyes, she shook her head and said, "he can't find out that I know, or that I told you this."

When he offered for her to move in with him, she felt her heart stop in a good way. She'd been so lonely recently, and when they were together she was practically living with him as it was. And considering Anna hadn't been seen for a while, she wouldn't be missed all that much. If she wasn't convinced before, when Devon kissed her forehead the deal had been sealed. Her happiness was slowly coming back, Jimmy's drama or not, she had Dev back and honestly that was all that mattered.

"Yes, I'll move in with you. I know if anyone can help me stay safe it would be you," she said before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a warm embrace before sighing and leaning her head into his neck. At last, the world seemed right again.

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[DEVON R. COUTURE]

"He did what?" Devon asked, obviously kinda shocked. Well, really shocked. He knew Jimmy /would/ do something like that, but honestly...why Ana? It wasn't like she was going to go tell anyone. Sighing, he shook his head. He knew he had to get out of the Suits, but...truly, he was scared of what would, or could, happen. "I'm so sorry, Ana. I never wanted you to be in any danger. I guess I should've known, and stayed away from you....so you'd be safer."

"Okay," He said, thinking it over for a moment. "I'll do my best to keep you safe, okay? But...I am going to do my best to get out of the Suits. I can't promise you that I can, but I'm going to really try. I dunno, I guess I really like the pay that is involved in it. It allows me to buy nice things," He mumbled, "But if it is threatening your safety, then I want no part in it." Devon told her, smiling as she got closer. "I've really missed you." He whispered, kissing her cheek. "I wanna take you home, then I will go talk to Jimmy, okay?"

But Devon held her close, not quite ready to let her go...even if they were going home....together. It made his heart skip a beat, just thinking about it. Sappy as it was, he just loved it. "Hey, Ana?" He asked, pulling back away from her for a moment. "....will you go out with me?....again?"

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