The Beauty Complex

[DORIAN MOORE]

Journal Entry #1


Do people really think that treating someone this way is fair?

Marcus - the one person i thought i could trust above anyone else. the person i love. just thinks he can abandon me and walk out of my life like nothing ever happened between us. he couldn't have left me because i slept around - because he did the same. or has he forgotten about benji and perry and all the other guys he's had behind my back. i didn't say anything. how could i? when i knew he would throw it back in my face. so instead of getting upset i fucked around. to get back at him, but of course he doesn't say anything until the moment he walks out of the door. fuck, if we'd just sat down and talked for once i wouldn't be feeling like this, like i owe him an explanation. i miss him. the way he kept me safe, looked after me. even if he hated the way i dressed, and everything about me. maybe if i'd changed for him, he would have stayed. or if george hadn't threatened him. i want him back, i don't care if he hits me, or threatens me or lies to me...i don't care about any of that. i just want him. fuck.


perry - what the fuck are you thinking? walking in like there's nothing wrong with those drugs, the way you talk - treating me like...like i'm nothing. urgh, i hate you. i hate you so much and yet i can't help but invite you into my home so you can do whatever the hell you want to me. i want you to stop, i want you to treat me like i'm human. but...i don't. because for the few hours i'm with you i never think about anyone else - unless you mention them because you're an asshole. i just like the way you work...the way you fuck. but i shouldn't. you're not even worth my time. and i am not your princess.

joey - what are we doing? being in this weird relationship when it's clear you don't even want me. you like bridgette, lacey...anyone but me. i see the way you look at them, the way you turn to me secretly hoping i was a girl, wishing i wasn't me. in a way, it's worse than what marcus did. because you pretend to like me, he never pretended. i know you're only with me because you needed someone on your arm. i guess that's okay. i accept i'm not what you want, and every morning when i wake up before you do, i wonder what you dream about. if it's me. or them. when i asked you about having surgery - to make you happier - you didn't even answer properly, you just said i should do what made me happy. you make me happy. so does that mean i should get surgery? because that would make you happy, which would make me happier. right? well...i've booked in a consultation, we'll see what happens. maybe if you came with me you'd see what i'd be prepared to go through to make you happy. would you do the same for me, if you were in my position? or would you just forget the whole thing and find someone else? i just want you to be honest with me. tell me you don't love me.

leo - stop being in love with me, you deserve so much better. look at me! i'm...i'm nothing and you're perfect. in ever way. think of all the people you could be with. someone who isn't gender confused or fucked up. and i know you don't like me dressing like a girl. or drinking too much. or all the other terrible things i do. but this is me...i think...and i'm alright like this. i know how to do this. i know how to fuck around, i know how to charm guys into bed with me. i'm good at it. i can't hurt you. you're my only friend and i need you.



URGH
Fuck.
I need to hide this, no one can find out about this journal, or I'm screwed.

[DORIAN MOORE]

Journal Entry #2

How can I not be in love with you?
I hate this...being torn in so many ways. I just wish I had someone to talk to...I don't want to be in this situation any more.

[DORIAN MOORE]

Out Of Character~



Dorian didn’t enjoy the dark alleys, the cold nights and the dim lighting over the storage yard near the dock. He’d only been to the warehouse twice, once before with Perry and another time with Marcus. But it hadn’t changed, not even the dirt had moved. It was eerie, and Dorian didn’t like it one bit. He jumped slightly as he felt Perry taking his hand; the other boy’s rough skin against his smooth, well manicured fingers.

“It’s alright Princess, I’ll look after you,” the other boy cooed in Dorian’s ear.

The blonde shivered and pulled his coat closer to his neck, keeping the cold away. He shouldn’t have come, he should have agreed to go with Joey to the stupid theatre so they could look at stupid Bridgette in her stupid play. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw light movements, men moving around objects - mostly large containers of imported goods, ready to go on sale the next morning.

He bit down on his lip and tried to pull up his thigh high socks, covering as much of his skin as he could with the small items of clothing he was wearing.

“Well, well, what do we ‘ave ‘ere? Perry Buchanon and ‘is pet mouse,” came a gruff voice from behind one of the large industrial containers.

The short, fat, balding man came into the light and Dorian resisted the urge to pull on Perry’s arm. He didn’t like this situation one little bit. He could see more men around them, now, closing in, listening to their every word.

“I’ve come for my usual,” Perry said, confidently smiling at the other man, but Dorian felt the light squeeze to his fingers telling him to be wary.

“See, I think we gonna ‘ave a issue ‘ere,” the man spat, taking a few steps closer to the pair.

His hands, Dorian could see now he was in the light, were gripping a thin piece of metal that curled at both ends. A crow-bar perhaps? Dorian shivered involuntarily, sliding closer to Perry.

“I’ve bin doin’ ma books. Seems t’ me that you’re a couple o’ hundred dollars short from yo’ last payment.”

Perry visibly stiffened, gripping Dorian’s hand so tightly it was beginning to go numb. But Dorian kept his composure, taking deep breaths and looking anywhere but at the man in front of them.

“That can’t be right,” Perry protested, “I counted it myself.”

“Are yo’ callin’ me a liar?”

“No bu-”

“Well then, yo’ owe me the money, got it wiv yo’?”
Perry turned to Dorian with a smile that was too bright to be real. Dorian frowned and shook his head, the only money they had brought was the money from other people, for Perry to buy them drugs. There wasn’t enough to pay off the debt and buy more, Perry was caught in the middle. If he didn’t give the money over, well Dorian didn’t want to think about his lifeless body sinking into the docks; and if Perry didn’t give the other people their drugs, he was sure to meet a similar sticky end.

“I-I can bring the money…to-tomorrow,” Dorian finally stuttered, more from fear than the cold air. But he tried to pass it off as the latter. Perry shot him a dark look, but remained silent, clearly trying to think of a way out.

“An’ what do I do till then?” the man asked, eyeing Dorian with a growing interest that made the blonde want to vomit.

Dorian looked away, unable to produce a valid answer. He looked up suddenly when he felt a warm breath on his cheek. He was expecting it to be Perry, about to whisper their escape plan. But he was wrong. It was the dealer, the fan fingers reaching for the hem of Dorian’s skirt.

“Such a pretty lil’ doll, ain’t ya?” he smirked, pulling Dorian forward by his clothes.

The blonde tried not to make a noise, but clung onto Perry’s hand as well as he could. Perry kept the grip and followed behind Dorian placing his other hand protectively on Dorian’s waist.

“This isn’t part of the deal,” he said sternly, as if that would stop the other man from feeling his way up Dorian’s smooth legs.

Dorian squirmed a little, trying to stop those sausage-like fingers from slipping over his knees, up his thighs. Slowly, almost-teasing, but Dorian was too pre-occupied to think about it.

“Get off me!” he hissed, trying to step away. But the dealer had dug his fingers hard into Dorian’s soft thigh to keep the boy from moving. With his free hand, the larger man had grabbed the waist of Dorian’s underwear and had begun to pull it down when he encountered something he wasn’t expecting.

“What the-yo’ a boy?” he asked, so startled he let go of Dorian’s legs.

The blonde quickly pulled his pants back up and stepped behind Perry for a little more protection. But Perry had turned a horrible shade of grey. Dorian looked up to try and get the other’s attention. He was so preoccupied with trying to get Perry to say something he didn’t realise there was another man right behind him until his strong hands had gripped tightly onto Dorian’s thin arms. The blonde struggled immediately, kicking and screaming until his voice was hoarse.

“Think yo’ bein’ funny, Perry? Bringing this thing here?” The man asked, but Perry didn’t have an answer.

“No reply? Well maybe this’ll get sumthin’ outta yo’,” the man sneered, nodding to another one of his companions who stepped towards Dorian, a dark grin on his face.

Dorian gulped, tried closing his eyes; but had to open them when a sharp blade ran across his thighs, each producing a line of bright red liquid. Why had he worn a skirt? Why couldn’t he have dressed like a boy for once in his life? SMACK. The other man’s fist connected with Dorian’s stomach, the blonde doubled over in pain and was let go long enough so he could fall to the floor.

“Not much of a boy neither,” one of the men laughed, pushing Dorian over in the mud with his boot and kicking the blonde until bruises appeared through the white material of his shirt.

“P-perry,” Dorian croaked, but Perry was having his own issues, trying to make sure the crowbar didn’t reach any part of Dorian’s face.

The fight seemed to go on for hours, Dorian had blood dripping from what felt like every inch of his body, and Perry wasn’t in much better shape. Dorian was about to give up, stop struggling and let them do whatever they wanted when the faint sound of sirens was heard over the hill. Time stopped for half a second as everyone realized what was happening, the police were on their way. The men scrambled to get into cars, trucks, any vehicle that could get them away from the scene.

“Get up,” Perry hissed, dragging Dorian to his feet. “We need to go, you need a hospital.”

But Dorian was almost unresponsive, do Perry pulled the boy up into his arms and carried him back to their car. They returned to the city in silence, making a few u-turns as Perry muttered something about people on their trail. Dorian was curled up in the passenger seat, his blood seeping into the upholstery. If Perry cared about his car, he didn’t say anything.

They stopped at some red lights, the blonde boy sat up slowly and instantly recognised the area. They were next to the theatre. Joey. As if by some twisted luck, Dorian spotted his boyfriend about 5 metres away on the steps to the theatre, clearly waiting for someone. Dorian’s face broke into a smile, despite the pain of his cut lips.

“Joey!” he croaked, banging feebly on the window. But the dark haired boy couldn’t hear him. Dorian watched the other boy fondly for a moment before his smile fell. She was there. Bridgette. Dorian pressed his palm up against the window in one last attempt to get Joey’s attention. But the other boy had another blonde to worry about. Dorian slumped back in his chair, tears beginning to fall down his face as the lights began to change. Why had she ruined everything? Why was she a real girl? A real girl that Joey wanted. Everything Dorian wasn’t. The thin blonde looked down at his legs, covered in spit, blood and mud. Maybe it would be better off if he didn’t leave the house anymore. That he stayed away from everyone forever.

“I want to go home,” he whispered, not looking at Perry, but back at the pair who had started to walk down the street hand-in-hand.

“No, you need a hospital,” Perry said, unaware of what Dorian had seen, but turning to see the tears run down his face. “I’ll call Marcus, he won’t be busy.”

Dorian shook his head and wiped the tears away with the back of his hand, “No. I don’t want to bother anyone. Please, just take me home.”