Streets of Gold {Percy}

[BENJI FLYNN]

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It had been an age since he and Percy had had a real conversation. As college had begun to approach, back in high school, the two had drifted apart even more. They never held proper conversations, Benji never snuck into Percy's house the way he had used to and all two soon they had stopped acknowledging the other when they passed in the corridors. Benji hated it, more than anything in the world. But he wasn't brave enough to ever initiate a conversation. As the two drifted more and more, Benji put his mind back on his education.

Out of the care home, Benji finally moved all of his things into his penthouse apartment in town, taking the essentials to one of the dorm rooms. It wasn't that his home wasn't enough, it was more the fact he wanted to experience the college life without having to worry about getting on and off the campus.

The first moment of free time he hand, Benji had taken his skateboard and headed down the the local skate park, trying to get in some moves before his first Law class. The sun was shining, as usual, and Benji had only been skating for an hour before he had to stop and flop down on the floor. His eyes closing slightly as he rested his head on his hands. He remembered doing this with Percy, the boy always complaining about the grass stains on his clothes as Benji tickled him and pinned him down on the floor before kissing his nose gently...

Urgh, those days were so sweet. Why had he messed it up? Why had he screwed Percy around and treated him so poorly? He had been stupid. Benji liked to think he had matured since then...but he wasn't sure. He wished he could apologise, gather the boy back into his arms and hold him there forever. But Percy was long gone...he probably had a new boyfriend by now.

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[PERCY YEATS]

Half Pipe wasn't exactly Percy's ideal type of haunt; he preferred the theater or the art rooms, the auditorium, the clubs. But parks were outside with the bugs and the dirt and the suffocating Vegas heat - not his jam. However, there were perhaps two or three occasions he could recall when a simple walk through campus or the parks scattered within commuting distance was surprisingly refreshing. He'd just spent a good twelve hours holed in his dorm, crouched like a starving, sleep deprived gargoyle over his computer, working madly on a thesis paper about the significance of stage direction in Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman.

He'd sent it via e-mail to his professor and stepped outside into the sunshine to breathe some fresh air and work out the wicked cramps that had tortured him during his frenzied attempt to finish the assignment. And from the door of his dorm he'd just.. started walking. He was dully aware that he wasn't exactly decent for public display; his hair was unwashed and a mess from pulling and tugging and teary abuse, he was wearing a wrinkled, slept-in button up in his typical manner (sleeves rolled up, the first few buttons popped, seeing as he was lacking his usual bow tie) and jeans cut off at the knee. There were heavy circles under the sharp, cutting blue of his eyes, and he probably didn't smell as nice as he usually did...

But, for once, he shrugged off the demands of his vanity and just kept walking, squinting against the oppressive sunshine, rolling his shoulders, keeping his hands in his pockets and his princely nose in the air.

He walked through the skate park intending to just pass through, but he saw someone who gave him pause, who made him stutter physically, his feet shuffling to a halt. For a moment he was in the surreal position of seeing the boy where the boy couldn't yet see him, and he took full advantage.

Of course he recognized him.

Benji Flynn, looking mostly unchanged, absorbed in his skating. Percy watched, expression distant, perhaps a little wistful. Something in him whispered a warning: "Flee! Flee!"

But his feet resisted; first they simply remained unmoving, and then, on their own accord, they started closer, straying from the path towards where Benji was skating. It had been more than two years. They'd had a few months of passion and pain and devastating heart break, and then there had been nothing. Benji was too uncertain, Percy was too proud.

He stopped a short ways away and waited with starkly un-Percy like patience, squinting against the sun. He'd wait until Benji noticed him.

What was he going to say?
He had no idea, but... well.
He was going to find a way to say it, whatever it was.[/font]

[BENJI FLYNN]

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Benji sat up from the floor, decided to crack open a can of beer and down it in one go, the liquid escaping from his mouth and running down his chin and then his neck. How attractive. No wonder Percy broke up with him. He needed to clean up his act...maybe another day.

Pulling himself back onto his feet he threw the can into the bin, getting it in by the skin of his teeth. Well that had certainly made his day better. Biting his bottom lip he pushed off the floor and skated around the park a few times, throwing in the odd trick here and there.

It was only a few moments later that he got the prickly sensation on the back of his neck, the one you get if you think someone is looking at you. He turned slowly, expecting the park to be empty as usual. But it wasn't. Benji was sure his heart had exploded in his chest.

Percy.

Percy Yeats.

...Fuck.

What on earth was he doing here? The skate park of all places...looking like he hadn't slept in months. The urge to go and hug him nearly sent Benji crazy. But he managed to hold back. Instead he kicked his board up into his arms and slowly walked towards the other boy. What was he going to say...what could he say? This was so surreal. He stopped, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip. Maybe Percy didn't want to talk, it was probably an accident.

Benji sighed, smiling weakly at the other boy. Percy probably wanted to leave. Looking at the floor, he scuffed his shoes on the concrete for a second. Maybe this was going to be his second chance? Maybe there was a god and he was being given an opportunity to fix everything. He started walking towards Percy again, dragging his feet a little, trying to find the words to say.

Hey he said once they were reasonable close. He clenched his free hand, embarrassed by the sound his own voice was making. High and squeaky...totally not nervous in any way...

H-how have you b-been? he asked, inwardly cursing himself for stuttering. Well this was awkward...

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[PERCY YEATS]

Percy's shoulders lifted a little, his chin tucking down towards his sternum, calm blue eyes flickering with the first signs of awkward unease. He wasn't going to run away (though that tiny whisper had grown louder: "Flee! Flee!"), and he tried to steady his gaze to make that clear. Benji was walking over slowly, his face written over with surprise, uncertainty. Percy wanted to smile; Benji always had been so easy to read.

He took a step closer, silently confirming that he wasn't about to change his mind. He'd done that in high school, the few times he'd try to really explain things and clear the air; at the last moment, with Benji's eyes asking him silent, angry, heartbroken questions, he had fled.

Percy reached up, thumbing his hair from his face (an old habit), and smiled a little at the other boy's greeting. It was strained looking, although that was more from exhaustion than discomfort. "Hey," he replied. He shoved his hands back into his pockets.

"How've you been, Benji?" He glanced away, sighing out. He cleared his throat after a brief pause: "It's been a while."

It sounded more like an apology than a mere observation, and he looked fleetingly back into Benji's face after he said it.

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[BENJI FLYNN]

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It took all of Benji's courage not to blurt out all of his feeling. He didn't want to end up shouting at Percy, everything that he wanted to say to the other boy. Percy hadn't changed, not much. He was still the same beautiful, beautiful boy. Benji felt his heart thudding in his chest, wanting to leap out. For a while he couldn't talk, his throat was closed up and he couldn't make any sounds.

I've been...y'know... - lonely, cold, helpless - fine, really. You? he said, forcing a smile onto his face. His eyes couldn't leave Percy's face as he talked to the boy. All of his old feelings flooding back to him. True love. Really? Or was that just a stupid fairy story?

Benji knew, out of all the people he had ever been with, Percy had changed him the most. Made him a better person and what had he done in return? Pulled Percy down. He could feel his heart already sinking in his chest. After this, would they ever talk again? It was just too horrible to think about.

Enjoying college? he asked, sticking his hands in his pockets, letting his skateboard drop to the floor.

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[PERCY YEATS]

Percy felt a surreal calm settling over him. It was like god had granted him some kind of inspired perspective on it all; the bitterness he'd been holing up in his chest for two years out was finally dissipating, bleeding out like poison. He felt purified. He looked into Benji's face and sympathized with the feelings he saw swirling under the surface of the other boy's eyes.

It had been a stupid way to end a relationship, a stupid, painful way.

Percy, despite every nerve in his body willing otherwise, was sorry.

"Yeah?" He smiled again, a little bit. "I'm glad. You always used to tell me there was no way you'd get into college." He shrugged, the smile looking less plastic and more sincere: "I always knew better, of course." When asked how he liked it, Percy shrugged a second time, thumbing his hair from his face thoughtfully. "I like it," he said. "I'm acting, you know, all the time. Just acting and reading plays and fiddling around with directing and screen writing, and it's... it's good, to finally be doing it for real."

He plucked lazily at his shirt, glaring briefly up at the sun before asking, "What about you? Are you still going to go to law school for grad school?" He bit the corner of his bottom lip, wondering if his assumption (Benji had always told him he wanted to be a lawyer) was out of date. Maybe he'd changed since then; for all Percy knew, he could be majoring in basket weaving for christ's sake.

[BENJI FLYNN]

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Benji smiled, shaking his head slightly, Of course you did, you know everything he teased. He remembered the times when he and Percy had spend hours in the auditorium, Percy reciting his lines while Benji made a botched job of painting the set or being an extra. He only did it so he could spend more time with Percy - whether the other boy knew that or not he wasn't sure. I didn't think I would get in, I guess I had nothing else left at that point. I had to make do with my education, or I would have been out on the streets again he said slowly, looking down at the floor finally, and not moving his eyes away.

I'm glad you're doing something you love, I guess I'll be seeing you in the west end in a few years, Benji said with a smile, remembering the conversation they had had about a lawyer and an actor. Something Benji was all to prepared to carry out, but obviously Percy had thought better. And Benji didn't blame him. Not in the slightest.

He had made the mistakes, not Percy. He had fooled around with other people when they were dating and then expected everything to be alright. But Percy seemed happy now, and that was all Benji really cared about.

He smiled for a moment, to himself and then looked up at the other boy. Oh, er yeah. Law. I'm doing music, y'know like...as well...but it's mostly law. But I don't think I'd be able to have it as a career, everyone else has got apprenticeships at those massive companies. But no one will hire me, I don't think I'm smart enough for them. But that's okay. I think I know enough about music to do something with that. He stopped himself there to make sure he didn't ramble on forever. Looking at his watch he bit his lip and then looked at Percy.

You don't want to go for coffee...do you?

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[PERCY YEATS]

Percy was watching the other shamelessly, his eyes making careful, thorough exploration of Benji's face, catching old idiosyncrasies he had forgotten: the way the corner of Benji's lip twitched when he smiled like that, the way he would glance at Percy and then away, almost like he was shy (and wasn't it funny to think that Benji of all people could be shy). He was so distracted he had to shake himself and focus on what the other boy was saying instead of just staring at him dreamily.

"I do know everything," he admitted with a great show of modesty, glad to see a smile that looked half-way real cross Benji's face. "I knew you could get in if you tried. You're hard to shake off once you actually put your mind to something." He rolled his eyes, but not unkindly, remembering the very earliest stages of their relationship, the way Venji was constantly tugging on Percy's proverbial pigtails.

"Music?" He seemed somewhat surprised, but he smiled again. "That's awesome, Benji. Well, you'll either be a rockstar or a lawyer. Not bad choices, really." His brows furrowed slightly at the self-depricating comment about not being smart enough to work as a lawyer and he snorted. "I think it probably has more to do with your facial piercings and tattoos," he said with a crooked grin and a shake of his head. "You'll just have to give the profession a new look."

At the invitation for coffee he hesitated only a moment, looking at Benji thoughtfully. Then he nodded his head slowly. "Yeah, I'd like that. The heat's killing me out here."

[BENJI FLYNN]

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Benji had to stop himself from shouting with joy when Percy agreed to get coffee with him. Picking his skateboard up off the floor Benji began to lead the way, stopping for a second to make sure Percy was following him. It was strange. They hadn't done this in so long, but before they used to live in coffee shops. Just talking about anything that came into their minds.

Benji smiled and nodded in all the right places, but he couldn't help but feel like they were just making conversation to stop the awkward silences. They needed to gt everything out in the open, clear the air.

I've missed you he said, in a voice hardly above a whisper. He had to say it. He couldn't hold it in. Maybe if he said it all now he could save the couple of dollars on Percy's coffee - cause he would have run away.

I'm sorry I messed everything up with us. That I didn't do enough for you. I was really stupid back then, I still am I guess. I just...I mean...I wanted you to be happy, I still do. I just didn't know...urgh...like...I loved-no-love you. And it's like...no one can ever replace you. I'm just...yeah, just sorry.

He smiled weakly at the other boy and brought his free hand up to run it through his hair. He expected Percy to have found someone else by now, and he didn't mind, not really. As long as the other boy was happy that was all that mattered.

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[PERCY YEATS]

Percy stopped when Benji did, turning to face him, expression pleasant, curious. It closed off the minute Benji started talking, though, and his eyes fell down to look at his feet. He bit the inside of his lip at the corner, shutting his eyes for a brief moment. It was hard to hear that, hard to hear Benji say it in a low, unsteady voice, hard to hear the pain and truth and regret in it.

He waited for Benji to finish, knowing better than to interrupt as the other boy let everything off his chest - he wasn't so cruel that he was going to deny Benji his closure, even if the words were hard to hear. That's why he'd come over here in the first place, he reminded himself firmly.

Benji fell quiet and Percy looked down at his feet, up, across the street, squinting into the sun before finally his blue eyes settled gravely back on Benji's face.

"I missed you too," he said quietly, taking a deep breath and exhaling. "It was really hard, for a while, seeing you... after everything that happened." He shook his head. "And I'm sorry too, Benji, I wasn't - I wasn't always good to you, or good for you. I used to blame you for all of it, but - " He shook his head, brows crinkled together, expression troubled. "But I know now that that's not fair, it was never fair."

He swallowed, reaching up and rubbing his forehead before he thumbed his hair from his face. Hearing the "I love you" was the worst. It struck him straight in the chest, tore open long healed wounds, releasing waves of withheld emotions that just came crashing over him one right after the other.

He reached out slowly and grasped Benji's hand, giving it a firm, comforting squeeze. "I loved you," he said quietly. "I still do, I guess. It's strange. You broke my heart, you know." His gaze was sympathetic. "But I think I broke yours too, didn't I? I'm sorry."

[BENJI FLYNN]

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Benji nodded and looked down at the floor, he wasn't sure if Percy really wanted to talk about this or was just humoring him. But they had started now, and Benji wanted it to all be out in the open. If it wasn't, the would never be able to go anywhere with their friendship. That was what Benji missed the most, not the fact that they were a couple, but the fact Benji would sneak into Percy's room, cuddle on the bed - even when Percy didn't want to - watch movies together, go to the park just being together. The fact they were in love was just a bonus.

It wasn't your fault Percy, it was never your fault. he began, wincing slightly when he felt the boy's fingers in his own. Holding hands had never meant so much. he didn't let Percy's hand go for a long time. I didn't meant to hurt you. I promise. You never did anything wrong. Ever. I was just so frightened by my feelings for you. You know how it is, you go through life not caring about anyone or anything except yourself and then, bam, there’s this beautiful, amazing little doll of a boy in your life. And I don’t know how he got there, and sometimes he’s so damn perfect. But I don’t want him to go. Do you know how terrifying it is to go from being the worst kind of self-centered to being willing to literally - I mean it - give up your life for someone you feel like you barely know?

Benji let Percy's hand slip away from his as they turned to corner into a busier street. He figured Percy didn't really want to be seen with him, much less holding hands. I'm sorry. Maybe this wasn't a good idea...you've probably go things to do and people to meet up with, Benji muttered, not liking the words he was saying. But he needed to make sure, Percy came first, and if he was busy Benji could wait. He could keep waiting. For as long as it took.

He felt a tear roll down his face and he had to quickly turn away to brush it off with his sleeve. All his pent up emotions were coming to the surface, and he didn't want to be in public when they did. You know better than anyone that I’m not really all that great at all. he said, turning back with another smile on his face, his mask back on. I used to wait everyday for you. You know. I would sit in my apartment and wait, hoping one day you would walk through the door. I got scared every time I left the building in case you showed up and I wasn't there. I wrote you letters, to make sure. Saying I would be back, and not to leave...but they were always on the table, just where I left them. I kept them all, just in case. I thought about you all the time...I still do. I just...I know you're fine on your own now, I mean, anything is better than me, right? he chuckled, wiping his eyes with his sweater. I only came to college because you believed I could do it. I wanted you to be proud of me...It's stupid, I know, but it's the truth.

Benji smiled once more at the other boy and shrugged his shoulders, I don't mind that you broke my heart, it's still yours, that hasn't changed. You just never realized.

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[PERCY YEATS]

Percy shook his head firmly when Benji tried to reassure him that he wasn't responsible for what had happened. "I could have handled it better," he said in a tone that suggested he wouldn't accept any counter argument. Typical of him to be stubborn even when it came to apologizing and taking blame. "At the very least I cold have ended it on better terms. You didn't deserve what I did, just walking out on you like that." He blew out a sigh, shrugging his shoulders up high in a rare display of vulnerable discomfort. "I didn't even let you say your piece. I ran away whenever you tried."

He smiled a little, nodding his head in patient understand, once again giving Benji's hand a comforting squeeze. "I know you didn't," he said. "I wish I could stay the same, but I've never really been as good of a person as you are, whether you want to admit it or not." He had always known that beneath Benji's admittedly flawed exterior there was a sensitive soul and a heart of gold. Percy had also always known that his was, at best, tarnished silver.

Benji's confession, which seemed to leave him with a gust of air, like it was exploding out of him in one desperate surge, made Percy's smile falter, and he looked guiltily down at his shoes in silence. The intensity of Benji's feelings threw him off kilter; his hand trembled a little when he thumbed his hair from his face. He looked sharply at the boy when Benji muttered that maybe he should leave, and a frown of disapproval pulled at the corners of his mouth: "Don't start being like that," he said, a little harshly (it was Percy, after all). "I'm not just going to walk off after we've started finally talking about all of this. Come on." He reached out and grabbed Benji's hand, not nearly as gentle this time. Tugging commandingly, he started crossing the street towards the cafe.

He walked in silence for a moment, his eyes dark and thoughtful. Finally he said, "I used to go to your apartment sometimes. I never went inside, obviously. I guess I was afraid what I might find, or just afraid in general." He wet his bottom lip, ears turning pink with shame. "I'd just sit outside on the curb for hours, just sitting there, and then I'd walk home. It was stupid, I never even went inside..." He shrugged one shoulder sharply, unable to bring himself to really say anything more on the subject.

[BENJI FLYNN]

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Benji breathed out slightly when he felt Percy take his hand again. He didn't mind that it was a little rougher than before, it was the fact Percy had agreed to stay with him for a little longer. He smiled and took a few deep breaths making sure that he wouldn't let any more tears escape. Biting his bottom lip he squeezed the boy's hand, but didn't look at Percy. He just listened politely, waiting for Percy to finish.

You wanted to go on a break, I agreed. It was fine. he said after a moment of silence. Clearing his throat he opened the door of the little cafe for himself and then for Percy, closing it behind them. What would you like? he asked, after he ordered himself a black coffee, it was the only thing he really liked that they sold. No fancy frappuccinos from this place. He let go of Percy's hand again when he realized people were looking at them. One tall, skinny, too many tattoos with too many piercings, the other neat and tidy who seemed far too polite to be anywhere near Benji. Maybe that was what had drawn them together in the first place.

After making their order, Benji paid the lady and lead Percy over to a table in the corner where they waited for their drinks. You should have come in...I could have made you dinner or something...we could have had this conversation two years ago. he mumbled, feeling slightly disappointed.

So what happened...after we stopped talking? How was school...I didn't go to prom, but I heard it was amazing. Benji asked, trying to divert the conversation. He wanted to talk about it, but not in a public place. I heard you cane out of your shell a little, something with Simon Chapman? Or was that just a rumor?

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[PERCY YEATS]

Percy sighed, looking away. He had forgotten that, in his own way, Benji was just as stubborn as he was, refusing to let Percy share in the blame, refusing to admit that he himself wasn't always the villain in ever situation. He had forgotten that subtle but unshakable streak of self-loathing in Benji that he had always tried so hard to stamp out. Distractedly, he murmured his order in the general direction of the barista, and he thanked Benji for treating him in a similar manner, clearly still deep in thought.

He followed the other boy to the table and sat carefully, cradling his milknsugar sweetened coffee in his hands.

He glanced up, expression almost surreally kind (Percy didn't usually do kind). "I told you, I was scared. I wanted to, sometimes, and other times I didn't, but I'd go there anyway and just sit, knowing you were right there..." He shrugged for perhaps the fifteenth time that morning, glancing to the side sheepishly. "I can't explain why I did it. But there was no way I could have handled having this conversation back then." Percy shook his head and blew gently on his coffee.

"I was too angry and bitter and upset about everything. I wouldn't have been able to keep a level head about it. I probably would have just yelled at you some more." He had done a lot of that - yelling - when they were together.

The question about prom startled a small laugh out of him; "Prom? I didn't go. Not to the actual dance - I went to all the after parties and told people that I'd gone, and I got roaring drunk and... well, that's all I really remember from prom night." He smiled crookedly. "I don't think you really missed out, though."

He almost choked on his coffee at the name 'Simon Chapman', expression morphing from pleasantly nostalgic to flustered and angry all at once. He sniffed, dabbing a napkin to his lips where the scalding liquid had splashed him. "I wouldn't say that was me coming out of my shell. Simon was a really, really unfortunate mistake." He made an 'ugh' sound under his breath, cheeks pink, brows knitted angrily at even the thought of the boy in question.

"Anyway," he said, quick to change the subject. "I went a little wild, but it was more because I as miserable than because I was actually trying to have fun, you know?"

[BENJI FLYNN]

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I didn't mind being yelled at, Benji said quietly, taking his coffee and holding it in his hands, letting the heat flow through his body. I would have liked to have seen you, he added after a moment, hiding his expression in the coffee cup as he brought it up to his lips. He hadn't really thought about it, the yelling and the arguments. He had accepted them as his fault and moved on, he hadn't even considered that maybe he should be sharing the blame. In his own mind he had made all the mistakes, and now he was being punished for it.

But this was nice, sitting there with Percy, he shifted slightly in his seat, pausing for a moment when he realized his foot had brushed Percy's leg under the table. Sorry he mumbled into his cup, making sure his legs were tucked well under his chair.

He looked up at Percy after they had been sitting in silence for a while, his cup clinking on the glass table. Was I a mistake? he asked, not looking at the other boy. He figured if Tico was a mistake, Simon was a mistake...maybe he was as well. I mean...do you regret...us?

He looked up at Percy, a smile on his face once more. Because it was easier than revealing how he really felt. I'd understand if it was...for you... he added quickly, shrugging his shoulders and taking his cup once more. He didn't really want to hear the answer, Benji was probably the biggest mistake of Percy's life...and he knew that, he just didn't think he was ready to hear the answer.

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